Fake News

While attempting to research this article, I came upon far too many opinion-based libertarian lobbying blogs, so I’m anticipating some severely misinformed questions in the comments—and I don’t blame anyone for them. The fear-mongering is ridiculous; I saw one writer lamenting the fact that “the new law” disallows workers from determining or waiving their status, but that has always been the case.

Workers can’t choose exploitative work arrangements that violate federal law any more than people can sign contracts agreeing to unlawful arrangements. 

Several writers argued that this is a “major change” that will bring disaster to workers, business owners, and the economy, but what they’re really telling you is how little they understand the world we’re all living in, where misclassification and wage theft are the default business strategy, not rare exceptions, and where business owners are not receiving the education, guidance, or support required to be both compliant and profitable. 

If you’ve been pushed to the brink of panic by these clowns, take a deep breath: at no time has the definition of the word “independent contractor” changed in this country. The rules provide guidance to help workers and employers understand the law (that is literally their entire purpose for existing), but the actual law in this area is very well-established. Only people who want to lean on ignorance as a defense for their bad behavior consider clarity a threat to their freedom. 

The DOL’s rule change simplifies classification, making it more accessible and comprehensive. This should make violations far less likely, which is a win for everyone involved.

The “new” method is more illustrative; it explains itself fairly well. The way each factor is broken down and clarified—with two examples for each—should make it easier for employers to recognize improper use of the independent contractor classification and avoid the consequences associated with misclassification. 

The Difference Between Laws and Rules

The first thing you need to understand is that laws and rules are not the same thing, and anyone attempting to conflate the two deserves serious side-eye.

Laws are codified by legislative bodies (state or federal) and must be adhered to by everyone who falls under that legislature’s jurisdiction.

Rules are detailed frameworks developed by various government agencies to provide guidance. They clarify the law so the public understands how to comply and so the judges who must enforce the law understand how they are applied in practical scenarios. Various agencies are required by law to enforce these rules. (A judge can’t decide not to apply these six factors, for example.) 

The core legal definition of an independent contractor under the FLSA hasn’t fundamentally changed.

The rules help to clarify the DOL’s position and provide insight into how the law should be interpreted and applied; the rule change doesn’t change the law itself. The statutory law and underlying regulations here are very much the same—only the analytical lens through which worker classification is determined has been changed.

Brief History of Worker Classification Guidelines

In 2021, the DOL moved from a five-factor “economic reality” test to a system weighing two core factors: the nature and degree of control the employer had over the work, and the worker’s opportunity for profit or loss. 

The DOL believes this approach didn’t “fully comport” with the text and purpose of the FLSA as interpreted by the courts because the rule included provisions that conflicted with longstanding case law and the established guidance provided by the DOL. Overall, the rule narrowed the test by excising factors the DOL considers relevant when making a determination about a worker’s status. Plus, it departed from decades of case law, which could confuse workers and business owners. 

For those who know a thing or two about US labor and employment laws, the real problem was the prohibition against examining whether the work performed was “central or important” to the employer’s business. It’s a pretty critical element to consider. 

Ultimately, the tests are similar in the following ways, per the DOL’s FAQs:

Both rules identify economic dependence as the “ultimate inquiry” of the analysis; both rules provide a non-exhaustive list of factors to assess economic dependence; and both rules caution that no single factor is determinative. Both rules also clarify that economic dependence does not focus on the amount of income the worker earns, or whether the worker has other sources of income.

The important thing to know is that none of this is likely to negatively impact anyone who was in compliance to begin with.

Per the WHD’s guidance regarding the 2024 Worker Classification Rule:

The Department emphasized that “because this final rule is aligned with longstanding case law, the Department does not anticipate that independent contractors (who sometimes also self-identify as freelancers or small/micro business owners) who are correctly classified as independent contractors under current circuit case law would be reclassified applying the guidance provided in this rule.” 89 Fed. Reg. 1659. 

If your practices currently align more closely with the looser 2021 Rule, it’s time to reevaluate to ensure you’re still in compliance.

The Six-Factor Test for Determining Worker Classification

Factor 1: Opportunity for Profit or Loss Depending on Managerial Skill

Does the worker exercise managerial skill that affects their economic success or failure? Can the worker negotiate the pay, determine whether they accept or decline jobs, and choose the order and/or time in which the jobs are performed? Does the worker engage in marketing, pay for advertising, or take efforts to expand their business or secure more work? Does the worker have the authority to hire others, purchase materials and equipment, or rent space?

• Interpretation: This factor evaluates whether the worker actually exercises independent effort and decisionmaking, without the employer’s influence or an expectation to comply with the employer’s requirements or limitations.
• The Focus: Does the worker call the shots when it comes to their business, or is their independence theoretical at best?

Factor 2: Investments by the Worker and Employer 

Are any of the worker’s investments capital or entrepreneurial in nature?

• Interpretation: Costs borne by a worker to perform their duties are not considered evidence of capital or entrepreneurial investment. This factor examines the degree to which the worker makes investments in their own business’s growth. 
• The Focus: Does the worker make similar types of investments as the employer or investments of the type that would allow the worker to operate independently in the worker’s industry or field?

Factor 3: Degree of Permanence of the Work Relationship 

Is the work relationship indefinite or continuous in duration?

• Interpretation: This factor examines the nature and length of the work relationship.
• The Focus: How independent is the worker, as a matter of economic reality?

Factor 4: Nature and Degree of Control 

Who sets the worker’s schedule? Does the employer supervise or monitor the worker’s performance? Is the worker limited or prohibited from working for others? Who sets the service prices? Who controls the marketing?

• Interpretation: This factor aims to determine whether the worker has sufficient autonomy to be considered an independent contractor.
• The Focus: How much control does the employer have over the performance of the work and the economic aspects of the working relationship?

Factor 5: Extent to Which the Work Performed is an Integral Part of the Employer’s Business 

Is the work critical, necessary, or central to the employer’s business? 

• Interpretation: This factor does not depend on whether any individual worker in particular is an integral part of the business. 
• The Focus: Is the work they perform an integral part of the business?

Factor 6: Skill and Initiative 

Does the worker use specialized skills to perform the work? Do those skills contribute to business-like initiative? Is the worker dependent on training from the employer to perform the work? If the worker brings specialized skills to the work relationship, it indicates that the worker is an independent contractor.

• Interpretation: Any worker can be skilled, so the fact that the worker is skilled doesn’t indicate one status or the other.
• The Focus: Does the worker use their skills in a manner that evidences business-like initiative? 

The Totality of Circumstances

None of these factors alone are considered definitive. Instead, the DOL looks over the totality-of-circumstances, analyzing the entire working relationship before making a determination.

The primary question the test seeks to answer is this: As a matter of economic reality, is the worker dependent on the employer for work, or are they truly in business for themselves? (See: Fact Sheet 13.)

According to the DOL’s announcement (which I recommend reading in full), the March 2024 Rule returns to “an analysis that is more consistent with judicial precedent and the Act’s text and purpose.” Once again, these are not “new laws,” they merely clarify the application of existing laws. 

Regardless of your situation or position in the salon, it’s worthwhile to read every bit of guidance provided, whether the law itself is changing or not. (I say it a lot, but know your rights.) Once you understand the factors, you’ll know misclassification when you see it. 

In some ways, I sympathize. None of us should be forced to learn skills we don’t need. I get it. I really do.

But unlicensed people don’t get to argue that professional licensing shouldn’t exist. Without a license, Jasmine doesn’t have the training to understand all of the risks an unlicensed person in a salon poses to the general public or the massive liability they pose to the salon owner. 

It’s true that licensing requirements were heavily lobbied for and influenced by for-profit beauty academies looking to bloat their bottom line, but regulations requiring education and licensing were also created to attempt to solve problems and establish a shared value system around objectively good practices.

While each state has different regulations, most overlap in a few key areas. By and large, every regulated state agrees:

• Clients have the right to expect a clean and safe salon experience.
• Those seeking to enter the beauty industry have the right to an education sufficient to guarantee that they can competently perform their duties in the salon while protecting themselves and the public from communicable disorders.
• Professionals and clients have the right to a clean, compliant workplace.
• As an industry, professionals are obligated to ensure all of the above or face penalties including fines, license suspensions, and—in extreme cases—permanent license revocation.

Our state board regulations ensure that professionals and clients alike understand how and why we disinfect our tools between clients, what the standards for salon cleanliness are, what licensing documentation they should expect to see, and where that documentation should be posted in the salon. 

Our licensing requirements guarantee that professionals can—at a very minimum—respond to common first-aid situations (cuts, burns, falls) capably, mix and use state-approved disinfectants properly, and identify symptoms of communicable skin disorders. They also ensure that we understand and practice Universal Precautions. 

These regulations aren’t designed to necessarily serve us; they’re designed to protect the public, including the business owners who are legally liable for anything a service provider does in their facility.

I agree that experience isn’t worthless. However, just because you’ve been doing something for years doesn’t mean you’ve been doing it correctly or safely. Without professional training, you won’t learn that until you happen to make a very, very big mistake (like causing a pink-eye outbreak because you didn’t know not to reuse mascara wands). 

You don’t know what you don’t know.

State Board licensing standards and regulatory requirements are the methods by which our state legislators reassure the public and our employers that we should know what we’re doing—and that if we screw up, there are mechanisms in place to hold us professionally liable for it. The public shouldn’t have to rely on local courts to determine gross negligence when a framework can be provided that guarantees a professional who acts recklessly or carelessly will face professional consequences, like losing their ability to ever legally work in a salon again. These regulations provide protection against malpractice. They’re meant to strongly incentivize licensed professionals to play by the rules and take their obligations to their community seriously. You aren’t supposed to like them.

Instead of arguing that licenses shouldn’t exist, Jasmine should be fighting for the creation of smaller licenses for specialized professions. There’s no denying that makeup artistry is a separate profession from cosmetology. Makeup artists could go their entire careers without ever having to learn anything about mixing chemicals, using and disinfecting sharps, or applying hot wax to a client’s skin. These are things makeup artists don’t do.

Precedents for crafting smaller, more specific licenses already exist. Various states in the U.S. have introduced specialized licenses for services such as hair braiding and body wrapping, acknowledging that these professionals have different needs compared to full cosmetologists. This move towards specialized licenses recognizes the unique skills and training required for specific services, making it more accessible for professionals to enter the industry without undergoing extensive training irrelevant to their specialization.

Does a professional who plans to specialize in braiding need to spend 300 hours learning how to do manicures and pedicures? No. Because that isn’t part of their job. Why should a makeup artist be required to learn how to do hair and nails?

It’s tough being caught in the catch-22 of needing to work to pay for the licenses but needing the license to legally work. Instead of limiting herself to keeping her makeup business as a side-hustle, and risking legal repercussions if caught, she needs to think outside the box and find a legit way to get her needs met and her career on the best possible path.

If I were in Jasmine’s position, I would petition for alternative certification programs, advocate for specialized licensing, and collaborate with the board and other industry peers. It’s far past time for our industry to find innovative, accessible pathways to professional legitimacy that align with individual career goals and legal requirements. 

Today, the salon owner charged my client’s services before the service was over. She refused to give me the money and told me she would put it towards rent, but I never agreed to this, nor did I agree to her taking a percentage from both the sale and my tip.

When I said that I wasn’t going to tolerate this, she claimed that it couldn’t be helped because the client paid with a gift card. I know the client didn’t pay with a gift card, but that’s beside the point, because the owner knows I don’t accept her salon’s gift cards. (Besides that, nowhere in my lease does it say anything about her stupid gift cards!)

After I caught her in the lie, the owner said I’m no longer allowed to receive any walk-ins. Is this legal? Can she seriously refuse me walk-in clients?

I’ve already addressed this topic, but your story provides important insight.

You did everything right. You took every step you could to prevent being taken advantage of. When your landlord pushed your boundaries, you responded immediately. Few have the confidence to do so, and I’m glad to hear you did. Her treatment of you is nothing more than childish, petty retaliation. I’m embarrassed for her.

However, unless your contract states otherwise, you aren’t owed walk-in clients. (More about that here.)

What can you do about it? Unfortunately, not much. You could bring her to small claims court, but the filing fee will likely cost more than the disputed amount, and unless you really want to make a point, it might not be worth your time to pursue.

In these situations, the only thing you really can do is tell her to make things right, or you’ll warn others, starting with your fellow renters.

If she refuses, make good on that promise. Only state what you can confirm—what you’re willing to swear to in court under threat of perjury. Don’t embellish or get creative. Stick to the facts, and keep your emotions in check.

If she threatens to bring you to court—good. Let her. Be sure to update us so we can hear how she rationalized the theft. 

I’m sorry this happened to you. Sometimes, even when you do everything right, you aren’t entirely safe, and even if you’ve clearly been wronged, you might never see justice.

Take a deep breath. Now read this handy list.

Dress conservatively and professionally. No sandals. No jeans. No tank tops. No t-shirts. Dress like you’re going for an interview at a law firm or to a congressman’s funeral. This is not the time to make a fashion statement. Dressing sexy will win you no points here. If you chose to wear a skirt, make sure it’s no shorter than two inches above your knee.

Courts are weirdly formal places. Prepare yourself accordingly.

Keep your makeup minimal and natural. Don’t get crazy with that eye shadow. You want to be taken seriously, so don’t walk into the courtroom with you eyelids covered in rainbow glitter. Remember, you’re entering a place where people tend to care a whole lot about presentation and decorum. Some judges read a little too deeply into fashion choices and what they say about people.

Remove the metal from your face. If you normally wear facial piercings, take them out. They aren’t appropriate to wear to court. I cannot reiterate this enough times:

As stupid as it is, appearances matter. A lot.

Don’t wear a belt or complicated shoes. You will have to remove your shoes and walk through a metal detector before you can enter the courthouse. Make it easy on yourself by leaving your belts and metal accessories at home and wearing flats you can slip into and out of easily. Don’t create unnecessary stress. You’ll likely be a hot mess of nerves to begin with.

When it’s your turn to sit in front of the judge, follow these rules.

Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to. Never show emotion during your opponent’s testimony. You can be nervous, sad, and scared. You cannot be angry, loud, or disrespectful. Judges have zero patience or tolerance for belligerence.

Don’t roll your eyes, sigh, or draw attention to yourself.

Even if the other party lies through their teeth, keep your mouth shut and your attitude in check. Write down your objections and bring them up when it’s your turn to speak. Put on your best poker face and be patient.

Always address the judge with “Your Honor” or “Sir” or “Ma’am,” and never use slang or profanity. When you’re asked a question that requires a yes or no answer, always say “yes ma’am/sir/Your Honor” or “no ma’am/sir/Your Honor.” Never say, “yeah,” “nope,” or “I dunno.”

Don’t go in demanding justice. Do not bark orders at a judge or demand anything from them. Sure, your tax dollars pay their salary, but they don’t work for you. 

You’re at court to reach a peaceful, reasonable resolution, not to fight with your opponent.

Both of you believe you’re right. You can’t come to an agreement, so you are in court to ask the judge to come up with a fair solution based on the information and evidence that each of you collected. Approach it from that perspective–it’s not about winning or losing but having a neutral party evaluate each of your positions and make a decision for you.

You can think that your opponent’s actions were wrong. You can feel your opponent’s action were wrong. You don’t know they were wrong or not. The judge determines that. (Even if you really do know and you have fistfuls of statutes and evidence to support that argument, never go in with the arrogance of assurance.)

In small claims court, don’t be afraid to tell the judge that you’ve never been in court before and you may have questions during the proceedings. Small claims courts are generally pretty mellow. Nobody has attorneys and judges don’t expect you to be competent in court procedure. If you don’t understand what a judge asks of you or what they mean, politely ask for an explanation.

Keep your testimony brief and only testify to what you can prove. This is so, SO important. Do not pop off with a bunch of irrelevant, unverifiable testimony. If you cannot prove a claim, the judge will likely disregard it.

Bring evidence in triplicate. One for you, one for the judge, and one for your opponent.

A lot of professionals panic at the thought of going to court. Don’t be scared. The majority of the time, you’re going to end up in small claims, where the stakes are low and the process is pretty informal. You don’t need an attorney, the rules are relaxed, and if you’re the plaintiff, generally, the worst that can happen is that your case gets dismissed and you lose your filing fee. No biggie. In other proceedings, you’ll have an attorney representing you and doing all the heavy lifting, so relax and focus on controlling the one thing you can control—yourself.

Have you ever been to court? What for? Were you scared? What happened? Tell us about it in the comments!

I love my tenants, and I think we cohabitate well, but my resentment is building towards them, and it’s starting to create some tension. I don’t want things to be this way! What do you recommend?

Every salon landlord faces this issue at some point. Welcome to the club!

I’d like for you to think of this as your first real leadership exercise, because how you behave and how you treat the renters who are behind on their payments matters a lot and could impact your business significantly.

If you don’t already, start thinking of your renters as your customers, because they are. Your job, as their landlord, is to provide them with suitable workspace and collect their checks, but those are bare minimum requirements. If you hope to be the kind of salon landlord everyone wants to rent from, you’ll have to do better. You have the opportunity to demonstrate that right now.

Start with the assumption that the renters in arrears likely have good reasons, but also with the understanding that the salon’s welfare comes first.

If you’re willing to work with renters who are going through a slow patch, figure out how you’re going to accommodate them. Are you going to drop a great tenant over a bad month? Probably not.

You likely know which tenants deserve a payment plan for their overdue rent. Do the math and get your offer straight. Have the plan typed out and ready to present. Here’s an example of what those plans could look like:

• Lisa owes $400. She’s been with you two years and seems happy, so you don’t think she’s likely to leave any time soon. For her, you are willing to accept $50 each week ($200 each month) for the next two months, or until she terminates her lease.
• Glenn owes $400. He’s been with the salon for a little under a year, and he complains a lot…about everything. He has a history of job-hopping, so you can’t trust that he’ll stick around. For him, you are willing to accept $100 each week for the next month, or until he terminates his lease.
• Laura owes $800. She’s had it rough the last few months. She and her kids have been sick almost constantly since school started. But Laura has never missed a payment in the last five years she’s been renting from you. She’s responsible, professional, and the kind of tenant you definitely don’t want to lose. For her, you are willing to accept $25 each week ($100 each month) for the next eight months, or until she terminates her lease.

I recommend having the tenants pay in a separate transaction, rather than adding it on to their rent. Use Excel or Google Sheets to record their payments, so both of you have documentation, and only take traceable payments—no cash. (This isn’t up for debate; both of you should cover your asses.)

Meet with each renter privately, starting with those who are furthest behind. 

Tell them exactly what you’ve said here: their non-payment is affecting the business. You’ve been very patient and understanding, but you cannot subsidize their salon.

These conversations probably won’t be easy. Especially if you’ve developed close personal friendships with some of your tenants.

Too many people depend on the facility’s continuation to allow a few renters to jeopardize the whole operation.

Establish a firm due date for payment, and don’t be surprised if the meeting goes poorly from there.

If you were operating under the assumption that these renters were your friends, you’re about to learn whether or not that’s true. Unfortunately, more often than not, these meetings don’t end well. Don’t be surprised (or upset) if the renter gets nasty with you. Don’t be shocked if they seem apologetic during the meeting, then secretly pack up and disappear overnight. 

Remember that you’re dealing with people who shirked their only obligation to you and their colleagues. In doing so—assuming they’re not drowning in an unexpected personal financial crisis—they’ve demonstrated irresponsibility, unprofessionalism, and a severe lack of consideration. Keep your expectations realistic.

If you prefer not to offer payment plans, you can provide renters with a simple formal written notice that states the balance owed, the payment due date, and the consequences of nonpayment (eviction and small claims court, usually). A written lease isn’t necessarily required to hold renters accountable. By paying you a fee in exchange for your space, they’re establishing a common-law lease agreement. In many states, common-law leases are considered valid.

You know your situation better than I do, but I generally recommend saving this measure for the renters you’re eager to get rid of or implementing it as a last-resort option. Attorneys may advise you otherwise, but as someone who has been on your side of the desk during these talks, I certainly would not, except in dire circumstances. (The last thing you want is Glenn complaining about how “heartless” you are to every professional in town.)

Require all renters to sign written lease agreements. This is non-optional. Common-law leases are much harder to enforce than written ones. Contracts are critical, so every renter needs to sign an agreement showing that they understand your expectations and their obligations. These documents don’t have to be long, and they shouldn’t be written in legalese.

If your lease exceeds two pages, you’re doing it wrong.

Get a local real estate attorney to review and approve your lease, someone who knows your state’s commercial rental laws and understands that you’re subletting co-working space to beauty professionals. (I routinely consult with attorneys who are unfamiliar with the industry, and I often collaborate with them on rental and employment contracts. If you need help, request an appointment with me here.)

Once those leases are signed, you’ll have a system for keeping this from happening in the future, a document that neatly outlines everything—the payment amount, the due date, and the consequences for failing to adhere to the lease terms.

Don’t mourn the tenants you lose. You will very likely lose a few renters, and some of them might say some cruel, unfair things to you before they depart, but don’t cry over it. Anyone who leaves is doing you a favor. 

Good people get run over sometimes. 

You were very kind to allow the past-due rent to pile up. People may have taken advantage of that kindness, which is unfortunate, but of all the crimes a salon landlord could commit, it’s certainly the least offensive. 

Enough of these experiences can harden people over time, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. Learn from this, but don’t let it change who you are. 

Good luck!

Don’t shoot for the moon.

Do you have any idea how far away the moon is? Or how expensive it will be to get there? Just thinking about the work required makes the task of getting there seem overwhelming and impossible. (Plus, “shooting” towards a natural satellite sounds like it has the potential to end pretty painfully.)

Instead of focusing intently on a major, long-term goal, devote your full attention to accomplishing a significant shorter-term goal.

What do you plan to achieve in the long-term? Do you want a twenty-location empire and a mansion on the beach? Write it out in detail on a piece of paper.

What part of that dream can you reasonably accomplish in the next three years? Maybe you can open your first location, or expand your existing business into a new area? Maybe you could also start renovating parts of your home to prepare it for sale? Write those things down on another piece of paper.

Now, you’re holding two pieces of paper, right? Tuck the major “short-term” goal page into your planner. (I don’t care what you do with your “long-term” goals written on it. Some recommend putting it in a visible place, where you can see it every day. I’d recommend keeping it at the back of a planner or journal and only looking at it when you need to reassess your short-term goals.)

Your short-term goals should only include tasks that are reasonable and attainable within the next 36 months.

Three years away seems like a lifetime (especially given the way some of us have had our perception of time thoroughly thrown off as of late), but it passes much quicker when you’re working in eager pursuit of something that matters deeply to you.

Create a timeline.

For each goal on your short-term page, list every step you’ll need to take to accomplish them. If you want to establish that empire, you’ll need to do some market research and scout locations. Then, you’ll need to negotiate a lease. Then, you’ll need to get started on the build. If you want to get that house ready to sell, you’ll need to deal with that green shag carpeting in your living room…for starters.

Now, estimate how much time each of those tasks will take. For example, how long will you take to scout locations and decide on a home for your new business? How many months will it take to get the rose tile replaced with something a little more modern in your dated ass bathroom? Be reasonable in your assessments, especially if you’re relying on third parties (like accountants, attorneys, state licensing departments, or contractors) for anything.

Keep your personal responsibilities in mind, too.

Think hard about how many hours per day you can realistically dedicate to your tasks. You may find that you have to make some sacrifices or delegate certain tasks to free up more time.

For me, that task was managing my social campaigns for this blog. By automating those tasks through the use of a social calendar software, I was able to free up five hours per week. I also sacrificed non-essential social interaction, for the most part.

You’ll also need to recognize and eliminate time-sucking distractions. For example, I had to severely limit my involvement in professional networking groups to an hour or less per day. In April of 2018, I left Facebook entirely. When I finished my taxes in January of this year, I found that my income had doubled. (I am positive that was not a coincidence.)

Now, you should have a rough outline of what your next 36 months will look like. Transfer all those dates and tasks to your calendar. Once you’re done, they won’t be goals any more; they’ll be plans.

Focus and Execute

Plan to make slow and steady progress. Don’t allow yourself to get distracted by other projects or opportunities. For many of you, this will mean learning how to say “no” more often. Anything that distracts from your goals, regardless of what it is, will push back your timeline.

Most of us are visual people, so maybe it’ll help you to think of these distractions this way:

You’re at the bottom of the ocean and you really want to get to the surface, take a deep breath of fresh air, and see the sun. So, you make a plan to get to the surface and you start executing that plan.

You start to swim upwards but an octopus stops you. He says, “Hey, can you help me with this thing? It’s a great opportunity for you and will only require a few days/weeks of your time.”

The octopus straps a weight to your ankle that’ll keep you at his depth until the task is done. Meanwhile, you can’t really do a lot of swimming, so your goal of reaching the surface is postponed.

You finish the octopus’s assignment, remove the weight, and start swimming again. You’ve made it another twenty feet closer to the surface when a dolphin approaches you. “Hello!” he says. “I have a great opportunity for you. It will only require a few days/weeks of your time…” He holds out another weight for you to strap to your ankle.

Always ask, “What’s in this for me?”

You’re allowed to be selfish, shrewd, and cynical. You’re allowed to expect a tangible return on your time and effort, especially when you’re being asked to put your goals on hold by someone else who’d rather you spend your time in pursuit of theirs. Many “opportunities” I’m presented with aren’t actually opportunities that would ever benefit me—at least not enough to make up for the loss of time I could have spent on my own goals. Be willing to say no to anything that doesn’t move you closer to your destination. Remember, you’re on a schedule.

Outside projects, in addition to robbing you of your valuable time, will tire you out. The longer you postpone your own goals, the easier it gets to postpone them further. Go long enough without working on your goals and they’ll eventually start to look like unattainable pipe dreams. You’ll get frustrated and resentful and will may never resume your work towards that goal again.

The only thing worse for your progress than the interference of others is your inability to commit to a singular focus.

Sometimes, we’re the ones strapping weights to our own ankles. We can set ourselves back when we start twenty different projects and never actually complete anything.

A few of my consulting clients are like this: eager, driven, motivated, but ultimately they’re too impulsive. They haven’t opened their first location before they’re asking to tour empty units in neighboring towns as part of a sudden expansion plan that materialized on a whim.

In this scenario, you’re swimming to the top, but you can only really use one arm (most of the time), because your other arm and your legs are preoccupied managing your other projects. Try not to think too hard about how that would work from a logistical standpoint—it’s a mediocre analogy, the point is…

Successful, productive people commit and follow through.

Don’t sabotage yourself by spreading yourself too thin or set yourself up for disappointment by taking on far too much. Your timeline serves as a guide but also a reminder that big goals sometimes require big time investments. You might get there sooner, but if not, you shouldn’t feel discouraged. Keep checking off tasks one day at a time. As long as you’re moving forward, it doesn’t matter how fast (or slow) you’re going.

Self-Assess

The lists, calendars, and detailed plans go a long way to curb those impulsive behaviors, but daily self-assessment is an absolute necessity.

When you start your day, do the following:

Check your calendar. Ask yourself:

• Am I on track to hit my deadlines?
• What do I need to be focusing on today to ensure that I will stay on schedule?

Check your to-do list. Ask yourself:

• What can I fully complete today?
• What extraneous tasks can I outsource or postpone?

Hold yourself accountable. If you can’t, have someone else hold you accountable.

Once you accomplish one of your short-term goals, revisit your long-term goal. Ask yourself:

• Do I still want this, or have I found a new long-term goal?
• Have new opportunities presented themselves that could get me closer to achieving this goal or help me progress more efficiently?
• Can I add a new short-term goal now or should I buckle down and clear the ones I’m working on first?

I hope you found this approach helpful. Personally, I had a hard time following most popular goal-setting techniques. This strategy works for me, but I encourage you to also be flexible. When something isn’t working, try something new until you find something that works, and don’t get too discouraged when you experience delays or setbacks.

A handful of these owners, however, were proud of their commitment to abusing their workers, acting as if surviving the abuse were a cultural rite of passage and a necessary part of every professional’s growth.

“We don’t believe in employment, so everyone here is independent.” my client said.

“Your current arrangement puts you in a very vulnerable position from a legal perspective because you’re exerting managerial controls you have no right to exercise,” I replied. “You’re also making less money than you would be making if everyone were properly classified and legally compensated. So, why don’t you ‘believe’ in employment?”

“Because that’s just not how this industry works. We just don’t believe in it. Everyone here is independent and they are in charge of them. If they want to be successful in this business, they need to work for it, promote themselves, and climb up the way we all did. That’s how we drop the dead weight from the industry.”

The professionals in this salon weren’t independent by any definition of the term, legal or literal. They were very much misclassified employees and the salon owner (who wanted to have and eat all of the cake) was willingly and knowingly committing tax evasion, wage theft, and fraud—and bragging about it like they were virtues or deliberate professional development strategies instead of extremely serious and highly punishable state and federal crimes.

“We have to pay commission-only! Why would they work if they’re getting paid to just sit there?”

Like it or not, salon owners, you’re required by federal law to ensure prevailing wage compliance. “Commission-only” is not and has never been legal and calling an employee an “independent contractor” doesn’t make them one.

I’m accustomed to this entire process, having had this exact conversation hundreds (if not thousands) of times with salon owners over the years. First, they boast about how industry abuses are part of our “culture.” They lament the changes they feel “forced” to make. Then, they try to defend their indefensible actions and behaviors by arguing that they somehow make our industry and the workers in it “stronger.”

“My employees pay for their own product,” another client explained to me. “That’s their responsibility and a cost of doing business in this industry. If they can’t afford it, they need to find a new career. Why should I be paying for their product?”

“Because they aren’t business owners and never asked to be burdened with the responsibilities of a business owner,” I said. “You’re the one who sets the prices, creates the schedule, and handles the appointment book. How can they offset their costs and be profitable when you’re the one who determines what their services are worth, when they can work, and how many clients they get each day? That’s not independence. That’s you pushing your costs of doing business onto misclassified employees. If they fail, it’s because you didn’t take responsibility for managing them properly, not because they aren’t cut out for this industry.”

Over the last two months, I’ve been reminded of these salon owners and how proud they were of not taking ownership of their businesses. I can’t help but think about how they would present their laziness, irresponsibility, and lack of consideration for the welfare of their employees as a series of clever management tactics. Even now, I am astounded by the mental gymnastics these owners do to attempt to justify themselves.

Every problem in the salon is the fault of the professionals:

If the salon isn’t making enough money, it’s not because the owner hired more people than the business could justify hiring and didn’t bother to schedule them strategically, it’s because the employees are not marketing themselves well enough.

If the employees quit because they couldn’t afford to work for free, it’s not because the owner refused to pay the prevailing wage in accordance with state and federal law, it’s because the employees “couldn’t compete in the industry.”

If the owner ends up in hot water with the IRS for misclassifying their employees as independent contractors, it’s not because the owner was exploiting them and willfully breaking the law, it’s because the employees had a “personal vendetta” against the salon owner.

There’s no attempt from willful violators to take responsibility for setting their workers and their salons up to fail. There’s no remorse. Instead, there’s a dismissive wave of the hand, an irritated eye roll, and muttered resentments.

When talk turns to actual management strategy—with regards to talent acquisition and retention, for instance—the callousness really becomes apparent.

“Employment benefits for hairdressers? Sick pay?! Nobody does that! Why should we?”

For years, I’ve wondered what makes people in our industry this way. What gives these owners such a strong sense of entitlement? What makes them think the best way to develop a professional is to baptize them by fire? Why do they believe professionals in our industry aren’t worthy of guaranteed wages, paid time off, or health insurance? Why can’t they see that this lack of security is directly tied to our high attrition rates? How do they not realize this asinine attachment to an “eat or be eaten”/“survival of the fittest” mentality undermines the legitimacy of our profession and damages their own salons?

Why are they bragging about being a terrible place to work as if that’s a point of pride akin to a company value rather than a profound embarrassment and a scathing indictment of their irresponsibility?

COVID-19 killed the fabricated nobility of this sink-or-swim narrative dead in the two weeks it took for exploited professionals all over the United States to realize what their self-employed status actually meant.

Non-compliance is and always has been the easy way out for salon owners who wanted to own a salon but didn’t want to do the actual work required to become a good salon owner. I’ve long suspected these abuses were never truly the result of an ideological choice but have been presented as one to convince professionals of their validity. This lazy, shitty approach to business ownership won’t survive the post-Covid economy, and I’m glad for it.

A good deal of non-compliant salon owners are in for a rude awakening when the stay-at-home orders are lifted. The pandemic has made evident the serious flaws in our industry’s approach to employment. It’s not just the professionals non-compliant owners will have to answer to, but their clients and the public at large, as these issues have been gaining more attention over the last five years.

“Even documented workers will have a challenging time accessing the benefits they may be entitled to due to the pervasive, illegal payment practices that pervade the nail salon industry, including underreporting earnings, or failing to keep records altogether.”
-Allure

There problems aren’t new, they just impacted individuals previously, and therefore often went without much public notice. COVID-19 put all exploited workers in the same boat pretty much immediately, and that sudden education on an industry-wide scale changes everything. As an advocate for beauty workers, I can’t help but appreciate the poetic justice and rejoice in the sudden and (hopefully) final end to this idiocy.

Our industry has used “girl power” to manipulate people for as long as I can remember, promoting our largely female-founded companies as mechanisms driving female empowerment and allowing beautiful, well-marketed salons to grace the pages of popular fashion and lifestyle magazines, all while conveniently ignoring the fact that many of these same female founders owe their success entirely to the (mostly female) employees who quietly accept their exploitative practices.

The hypocrisy has annoyed me for decades…but those were the Before Times. Things are certainly different now, so the days of brainwashing workers to confuse acceptance of abuse with “empowerment” are finally over, once and for all.

[Related Post] “We should not be praising exploitative salon owners for providing work opportunities for immigrants any more than we would praise pimps for providing protection and work opportunities to women.”

Education is the true mechanism for empowerment. Educated professionals confront exploitative salon owners. Their knowledge gives them the strength to demand better. It motivates them to share what they know with others. For the last ten years that I’ve been working to provide accessible information to the industry and helping non-compliant salon owners become legitimate employers, the transition has been slow and painful, as willfully non-compliant salons were often only forced to change when an employee or group of newly-informed employees filed complaints with the WHD and IRS.

That time is suddenly now. Like the misclassified employees who had to contend with the possibility of being ineligible for unemployment during a pandemic, the salon owners who exploited those employees (intentionally or accidentally) are finding themselves in the same boat, too.

We’re likely to see a massive shift in how salon owners approach business management.

What form that shift ultimately takes—whether we see more salons revert to rental or become overwhelmingly employment-based—remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: non-compliant salon owners with a strong desire to “stick it to The Man” by way of screwing their employees over will have to figure something else out, because nobody in our industry can unlearn what they now know. They’re wiser and harder now, and certainly won’t tolerate “customary” abuses any longer, no matter what ridiculous narrative that abuse is dressed up in.

If you feel like the new kid at school, that’s because you are. You can try to convince yourself you’re not in high school and that you’re surrounded by other grown adults, but the salon environment isn’t your typical office and it’s likely that more than a few of your coworkers are creative personality types.

Are salons drama-filled workplaces? That depends highly on the management.

In a well-managed salon, drama tends to be minimal, with most of it coming from without (clients) rather than within (coworkers). In a poorly managed—or completely unmanaged—salon, bad behaviors often go unpunished. Creating an environment where employees are permitted to reap the rewards of their bad behavior obviously ensures that those behaviors will continue, but it also virtually guarantees that employees—who otherwise wouldn’t need to seek retribution (thanks to management intervention)—certainly will. Every professional I know has worked in at least one miserable salon, spending their days with their ears open, mouths shut, and neck-hairs on end, monitoring the climate minute-by-minute and hoping everyone would just stay cool.

Thankfully, times have changed since the 90’s and early 2000’s. Now, those salons tend to be the exception rather than the rule, so the odds of you ending up in one of those pre-Glassdoor, pre-Twitter hellscapes aren’t high.

You’ll never experience much drama at all in a salon where everyone respects one another, regardless of management.

Make the first move. Introduce yourself to your coworkers at the first appropriate opportunity. It’s normal to feel anxious and uncomfortable when meeting someone new but if you don’t suck it up and follow through, the entire vibe can get real awkward real fast.

Don’t make it weird. Acknowledge people with a greeting when they make eye contact with you. Say hello and introduce yourself if it seems like an appropriate time to do so.

Observe and ask questions. Does the owner prefer for colorists to work with small batches? How is backbar inventory tracked? What washer and dryer settings do you use for towels and linens? Do you immediately dispose of trash bags containing chemicals or wait until the can is full? Where are the garbage can liners and paper towels kept?

Pay attention, newbie. Watching what others are doing when you’re not busy will provide answers to questions you haven’t thought to ask.

Should you have a question, seek answers rather than making assumptions. You may not think twice about tossing the cardboard packaging around a tube of color but if your salon owner uses box tops to replenish backbar, you’ve just messed up her system and compromised the salon’s inventory balance.

Don’t say too much. During your first week or so, listen more than you speak. Get to know more about the people you’re working with. Let them tell you and show you who they are so you know what to expect from them and how to interact with them.

I’ve found that it’s easier to create and maintain relationships with others when you’ve spent enough time learning who they are before showing them too much about who you are. As a rule, I tend to share only necessary information about myself—keeping my opinions to myself and my private life as private as possible. In an effort to establish a connection and bond quickly with coworkers, some professionals make the mistake of oversharing. At best, this is a high-risk strategy. While a well-timed, well-targeted overshare might be just the thing to break a barrier and make a friend or two, you’re far more likely to embarrass yourself. Instead, play it safe.

When you do speak, be sure to think carefully first to keep from being misunderstood—especially if you’re feeling anxious. You’re not being timed or graded. You don’t have to have an immediate answer or response to everything. It’s okay to consider for a few seconds. You could also say, “I’m not really sure what to say about that,” or “I’m going to have to think about how to respond first.”

Nothing annoys me more than when I impulsively say the right thing the wrong way and have to backtrack to explain what I originally meant.

As a writer I may be more conscientious of this than other people, but I think we can all agree that the words we use and the order we use them in matters. It’s worth it to take the time to consider the messages we’re sending, especially during the early days of a new job when your coworkers don’t know enough about you to instinctively know what you mean when you do misspeak. Clear communication is critical (at least for now).

Don’t participate in or react to gossip. Remember when I said “it’s unlikely anyone will give you an orientation?” Notice that I didn’t use the word “impossible.”

One or more of your new coworkers may take it upon themselves to catch you up on the salon’s drama.

You should tell this coworker you’d rather not hear about it, but for most people that can be really difficult to do on the first day or week at a new salon. If you don’t have the intestinal fortitude to tell that gossipy coworker, “Thanks, but no thanks,” remember the following:

• Their version of events may be biased and/or entirely uninformed,
• The coworker you’re talking to is for sure one of the—if not the—problematic employee in the salon. You should probably consider distancing yourself from them ASAP. (Come at me in the comments, haters. I stand by it.)
• Body language is still language.

Your reaction is an opinion.

You might not speak a single word but your raised eyebrows, smirks, and eyerolls communicate a lot. If you’re going to listen, prepare to do so as a blank slate or risk having your facial expressions creatively interpreted by a coworker who—for some reason—felt it appropriate, acceptable, and somehow helpful to dump a bunch of sordid backstory on a new employee.

Don’t bring offensive foods for lunch. I’m not sure why people still need to be told this but nobody wants to spend 1-2 days smelling the stink of your microwaved salmon. If your meal comes with a stench, eat it at home.

Focus on work and be a team player. Build goodwill by doing your job. When you’re not working on a client, look for opportunities to help your coworkers. Sweep hair you didn’t cut, pick up damp towels you didn’t use, wash color bowls you didn’t dirty, set up a treatment room for a service you won’t perform.

Teamwork constitutes a big part of a salon professional’s job.

Be yourself. I saved what arguably constitutes the most critical tip for last. Some professionals feel pressured (or just tempted) to behave unnaturally when they start a new job. Maybe they want to seem more laid back than they normally are, so they set up others’ expectations inaccurately by pretending to be cool with things that secretly drive them insane.

For example, If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t normally share tools, don’t be loaning out your flat iron on Day 1 and your blow drier on Day 2 or you’ll set a precedent that will have you flipping your lid on Day 8.

It’s too hard to force yourself to pretend to be someone you aren’t, especially for long periods of time. During those first few weeks at a new job you’ll be learning a lot about your coworkers, but they’ll be learning about you too. It’s in everyone’s best interest if you make sure they’re seeing your real self and not a character you play while you’re on-the-clock.

Remember, your relationships with your coworkers will strengthen over time, so don’t force things. Be cordial, do your job, and allow yourself to settle into place naturally. Before long, your newness will fade and you’ll be part of the team.

Your financial management system should be simple.

You are not a child. You don’t need 15 different bank accounts, labeled cash envelopes, complicated formulas, or a device that delivers electric shocks every time you reach for your wallet.

You need exactly two bank accounts: business and personal. Your personal account belongs to you. The salon account does not. Why?

The salon’s money isn’t your money.

Don’t think of the salon account as your personal piggy bank. You’re putting your revenue into a separate account for good reason. That money belongs to the business that employs you. Just because you own the shop doesn’t mean you personally own its revenue. Tattoo that into the folds of your gray matter: The salon’s money isn’t your money.

A well-functioning system is an efficient, straightforward one that requires very little upkeep.

Establish a minimum balance.

Your “minimum” balance will vary depending on the scale of your business and your expenses. For microsalon owners, I recommend having a minimum of $5,000 dollars in your business banking account at all times. Depending on the size of your operation, rental and employment-based salon owners may want to maintain a minimum balance of at least $10,000. Building this balance takes time, but once you’ve established it, you should never dip below that minimum unless an emergency situation warrants doing so.

Your minimum balance should be considered your emergency fund. That balance will be your defense against debt, downturn, and short-term financial crisis.

Plan ahead.

If you have plans to expand in the future, start saving now by increasing your minimum balance in accordance with your timeline. Even if you don’t have grand, long-term plans, I still recommend increasing your balance over time—especially if you want to be in business for a long while.

You may not have plans to expand or renovate soon, but in ten years (when your furniture and floors are dated, beaten to hell, and in desperate need of replacement) you’ll be grateful to have the money to cover it.

Calculate a reasonable salary.

Nobody likes hearing this, but salons are high-overhead businesses with slim profit margins. Those are the facts for all but those lucky few who own their buildings (or slipped into uncommonly sweet leases) and can charge the prices necessary to support their operational costs. When you decided to become a salon owner, presumably you accepted the realities of what that means for you and your lifestyle.

Am I saying it’s impossible to live comfortably? Absolutely not.
Will you be living the glamorous, jet-setting life of a billionaire? It’s highly unlikely.

While plenty of dubiously qualified “financial gurus” preach this “pay yourself first” bullshit, salon owners who live and operate in the real world know that you only get paid once you’ve paid the salon’s bills, otherwise you won’t have a salon for long.

The most successful salon owners I’ve consulted with are those who put the salon and its employees before themselves.

Prioritize your work lifestyle over your personal lifestyle. Instead of paying yourself and trying to operate the salon with the leftovers, do the opposite. Salon ownership can be intensely stressful, not just because of the personalities we work with but the financial pressure. You’re trying to create a profitable operation that will provide you with a sustainable income for the long-term, right? You’re spending every day of your life working towards that end. For the love of god, make it easy on yourself by establishing a solid business account balance—even if that means driving that busted ass Toyota another year or two or renewing the lease on your modest apartment.

…but don’t feel hopeless or like you need to sacrifice endlessly. You may never own a Farrari but you won’t be dining on Ramen until you retire either. A little later in this article, I’ll share the personal finance tips that have made me debt-free and provided a really comfortable lifestyle but I’m going to warn you right now—it requires hard work, sacrifice, and discipline. The process sucks.

There is no rosy shortcut to financial stability, no matter what the gurus say. (If there were, I’d have found it and we would ALL be loaded.)

If you’re breaking even, make changes ASAP.

Running in place will get you nowhere, but what do you do if you’re barely scraping by—to the point that budget cuts are literally impossible?

I was there once too—during the recession.

I worked 80+ hours per week.
I kept my A/C off (in Florida) to save on electricity.
I lived in a 500 square-foot, one-bedroom apartment, sleeping on the couch in the living room so my daughter could have her own bedroom.
I traded my ‘04 Civic in for an ’88 Buick LeSabre to eliminate the payments and lower my insurance.
I bought my groceries on sale and hardly ate to save money.
I went without internet and cable.
My cell phone (if you could even call it that) was a Nokia brick fueled by a $20 prepaid card that I only used in emergencies.

Even still, every month was a challenge to break even. There wasn’t one thing I could cut from my monthly expenditures to move forward but running in place wasn’t an option.

What pulled me out was the understanding that nothing short of drastic action would improve things. So, I aggressively searched for a new job in an area that could pay beyond what the salons in my sleepy, seasonal hometown could afford. I decided that any move that wasn’t a step forward wasn’t worth my time. When I finally found the position I desperately needed, I commuted 40 minutes to and from work each day and continued sweating, starving, and coveting my prepaid minutes until I could afford to move closer.

Poverty made me aggressive, professionally. It made me realize nobody else was going to look out for my best interests. Nobody was going to fight for me. So, I cross-checked my pay stubs to ensure I was receiving every penny of my wages. I kept my resume online and kept my options open. I worked hard, ensuring my boss knew I was worth my salary and far too valuable to replace with a cheaper candidate.

For me, these things worked. While you may have your back up against a wall and may not have the ability to pull yourself through a breakeven situation at this very second, I urge you to keep your eyes open for opportunities, and don’t be scared to fight for yourself. Don’t accept lowball offers. Don’t sacrifice for anyone else’s benefit. Don’t be timid when you ask for a raise. Don’t allow an employer to take advantage of you.

Any step forward, no matter how small, is a step in the right direction.

Develop a strong hatred of debt and eliminate it.

Can you afford to light money on fire? Probably not, but even if you can, why would you? I’m going to need you to get a little high and mighty right now.

You are too smart to be burning money on interest.

When you’re paying interest, that’s exactly what you’re doing—lighting money on fire. Every penny spent on interest keeps you further from your goal of being truly free. Take a machete to those binds and pay off your debts as fast as possible so you can start putting that money where it belongs: in your pockets.

The method you use to eliminate debt will come down to personal preference.

Choose one:

• The traditional method, debt stacking, requires you to make list your debts by interest rate in descending order. You hit them from highest to lowest—making large payments on the cards with the highest rate and paying the minimums on the lowest rates. You repeat this process until you clear the list. Debt stacking saves you the most money in interest, but since some of your cards with higher balances might take a while to pay off, you’ll have to wait for that feeling of gratification that comes with crossing debt off your list.
• The debt snowball method requires you to list your debts in ascending order by balance—not interest rate—making large payments on the cards with the lowest balance and paying minimums on the others. Again, repeat the process until you clear the list. This method reverses the pros and cons found in the debt stacking method; the interest costs more, but the psychological payoff is higher.

If you hate interest as much as I do, then the debt stacking method will appeal to you. However, if you need the morale boost that comes with crossing a debt off your list for good to keep you motivated to clear them, go with the debt snowball method. You could even switch up your strategy when you grow bored with one or the other—so long as you’re paying off your debts, the approach doesn’t matter.

Whatever strategy you choose will be the right one if the end goal—a life free of debt—gets achieved.

For me, debt stacking worked best. I couldn’t stand seeing how much of my loan and credit payments were getting burned on interest, so I paid them all off as fast as possible, diverted the money I had been spending on payments into my savings account until I had a five-figure balance and became a “payment-in-full” kind of bitch.

Paying for things with your own money introduces a new level of spending discipline. Trust me, you’ll think twice about how “critical” those new lighting fixtures are and how acceptable the cost is when the full amount comes directly from your account immediately rather than being paid off over the course of several months or years.

Creditors profit by manipulating us with low monthly payments. $180 a month for three years sounds a lot more appealing than $5,000 right now, but most consumers aren’t seeing what that $5,000 balloons into once fees and interest are applied over that three-year period.

If we assume an 19.2% interest rate (average for most credit card companies) and no fees, that $5,000 debt turns into $6,500.

…and that’s only if you never miss a payment.

I recommend using an interest calculator before making major purchases on credit. Would you be willing to pay the inflated price on the item just to have it right now, or can you wait until you can afford to buy it outright?

Keep focused.

Train yourself to see that light at the end of the tunnel, because you will reach it much faster if you exercise financial discipline. What does the end of that tunnel look like?

Once you secure your minimum balance—assuming you have no plans for growth—anything above the minimum balance can be reinvested into the business or become part of your salary.

Do you have any idea—ANY FREAKING IDEA—how awesome the end of that tunnel looks? I do, and so do many of my consulting clients. Staying disciplined can be hard, so if you need help from a friend or professional, ask for it.

Set calendar reminders to reconcile your accounts every week.

I recommend creating an immovable appointment with your bank account every week. I do my accounting every Thursday morning and I follow the same process every time. Your process will likely look different than mine, but here’s what I do, so you can see an example:

Step 1: Transfer Paypal funds to business checking.
Step 2: Pay business bills (if any).
Step 3: Verify account transactions line by line.
Step 4: Transfer salary to personal checking.

How much do I transfer to myself? Typically, $1,500 a week. Sometimes I’ll transfer more but I rarely feel the need to because I’d rather be debt-free and have financial freedom than a difficult to manage “luxe” lifestyle and the stress that accompanies it.

Learn to love the possibilities.

Can I afford a luxury car? Yep. Instead, our family has exactly one vehicle—a 2014 Honda Odyssey (that we paid off a few years ago).

Can I afford a housekeeper, a nanny, and a personal assistant? Totally, but our family can handle all of those things ourselves.

Can I afford a boat, an RV, a motorcycle, and a pair of jet skis? You bet, but I’d rather have a 5-figure balance, thanks.

Knowing you can afford things can feel better than actually owning those things.

Reject flex culture—and if you can’t, redefine it. When you have money in your account, you have endless possibilities. You have endless freedom. You might not be a Mercedes driving HBIC who spends the weekends yachting up and down the coast—but you fucking could be, and that’s enough.

VIP Members now have access to exclusive and free VIP Downloads. If you want to put my system to work for you, download the Financial Freedom System and run your numbers!

Facebook lost 15 million users over the course of two years, and now Instagram’s growth is slowing. If you’re finding yourself among those questioning their relationship with social media and are considering a transition out, read this post.

My Exit

I personally left social media in April of last year. My professional profiles still sit on each platform but serve as nothing more than syndication outlets for my blog posts. Nobody checks my DMs, follows, or comments.

I had no desire to participate online but felt like I had to for professional reasons, so I became a frequent contributor in professional networking groups and amassed several hundred “friends.” In the few years I was a Facebook user, I found no joy in it. At best, engaging felt frustrating and tedious. With so many people tagging and messaging me for help, I was overworked. Because so few of these people treated me like a human person (acting entitled to my time and attention and rarely thanking me for either), I felt bitter and unappreciated. In the months before I left, I’d spend hours feeling too anxious to check my notifications.

I left social media because my anxiety became unmanageable.

For me, anxiety presents as a largely physical sensation. I feel tense and edgy all day. My heart will race periodically for no discernible reason. Logically, I recognize that I’m not being chased by lions and that there’s no reason to feel like I’m clinging to the side of a cliff, but there’s nothing I can think that can stop it, so I ignore that panicky feeling the best I can and try to focus on anything else. I work hard to never be mentally unoccupied.

That was my normal—my baseline.

Panic attacks, however, involve every part of me. My thoughts spiral, amplifying the physical symptoms. Every time feels like I might be having an actual heart attack and every time, I worry I am. It takes anywhere from five to fifteen minutes to pull my shit together. The entire experience exhausts me.

I’ve always been leery of social media, so I didn’t share much of my personal life online. Rarely was I involved in anything contentious (aside from the odd debate over Russian manicures). I was extremely fortunate to have a good deal of “friends” who were genuine, actual friends. There was no serious reason for the intense dread I would feel when checking my notifications. There were no lions.

No stalkers. No trolls. No bullies.
So why the dread?

Criticism hurts, and our feeds are full of it.

My Realization

Once you step outside the social media sphere, you’ll see it (and the whole internet) differently. Simply put: it’s (mostly) an absurd shitshow where the worst of humanity and the most narcissistic among us desperately seek attention and validation by any means necessary. It’s like the most abysmal reality show you’ve ever seen—one with endless episodes, where you know none of the stars and all they do is bicker over nonsense and sling uninformed insults at one another. (Your experience very well may differ from mine, but I was a member of far too many professional networking and parenting groups, so take that into account.)

It isn’t normal for people to be exposed to so many uninformed, unsolicited judgments—a constant barrage of opinions and presumptions. We would never encounter that much relentless interaction in real life outside of the internet, right?

Commentary that hasn’t been directed at us can still impact us.

Let’s say you’re a working mom. You drop the baby off at daycare and your oldest off at school and rush to the salon. You work for eight hours on your feet with your elbows in the air and a blow dryer in your hand. You get everyone home, get everyone fed, and finally lay your aching body down to relax and scroll your newsfeed.

Facebook knows you’re a working mom, so it has decided to show you a highly shared and commented blog post about working moms. There you see the top comment, left by a woman who considers daycare “child abuse” and working women to be “traitors to their families.” Sure, she’s a nutcase, but she isn’t alone. In the nested comments, you see people agreeing with her. “Women belong at home with their children,” they say. “America needs to give working mothers more support,” they argue.

Do they know you? No.
Are they talking to you? Nope.
Are they talking about you? Yes.

Now, maybe you’re feeling a little angry and unappreciated. Maybe you feel a tiny built guilty about working (like a lot of other working moms) and a little part of you worries they’re right. You’re reminded that you live in the only developed nation that doesn’t guarantee paid parental leave, and that makes you feel bitter.

The algorithm saw you open that comment thread. It watched you scroll through, taking in all those opinions. Even though you’re not liking or commenting, it thinks you’re totally into this content, so it’s going to make sure you see even more of it—unless you put forth the effort to tell it to stop.

Algorithms continuously do this as they get to know you. You’re not just a mom, you’re a mom who has used the words “estranged from my mother” in a chat with a friend. Now you’re reading an article from a child psychologist who believes familial estrangement to be detrimental to child development—and hundreds of opinions on the topic.

Maybe you’re the kind of person who can laugh at negative comments, roll your eyes, brush them off, and move on with your day. I thought I could be that person, but the toxicity of strangers has a way of slowly poisoning you. If you’re getting ready to unfriend the internet, here’s what I wish someone would have told me.

Privacy has become a luxury.

Every day, you share parts of yourself on social media. Most of these parts can’t be erased—at least not easily. It remembers.

Not to make you paranoid, but you’re being watched. A lot. Every time you make a keystroke or click a link, your activity gets logged. Then, multiple corporate AI’s take that knowledge and curate content to keep you scrolling and buying, no matter the cost, even as research increasingly links social media with depression.

I, like most sane people, believe that most of the time (Cambridge Analytica-esque incidents excluded) those algorithms want nothing more sinister than to sell us whatever it thinks we’ll purchase, but if that doesn’t sound like dystopian nightmare fuel straight out of Black Mirror, I don’t know what does.

You can still document every moment of your life with pictures, videos, and text if that’s what you’re into. You don’t need Instagram for that—just a camera and a journal.

You don’t owe the world an explanation or an apology.

People will bitch at you for not telling them you were deleting your account, as if they were lawfully entitled to personal notice. They’ll be upset at you (likely because your departure from social media inconveniences them). Whatever your reason for leaving was—you don’t have to apologize or explain. In my experience, people wanted answers so they could convince me I should stay. Don’t waste your breath arguing with them or defending your decision.

It isn’t your job to be available to everyone.

The world isn’t entitled to your time and attention.

I don’t know when it began to feel necessary (critical even) to be on social media, but we functioned just fine before status updates and DMs. Your Aunt Linda can pry into your personal life the way civilized people creeped on each other pre-MySpace—by dropping by unexpectedly, asking a bunch of uncomfortable questions, and secretly rummaging through your medicine cabinet.

When you require direct, in-person interaction from people, your conversations will likely become more pleasant and substantial. Mine did. (Cyber-disinhibition is real.)

Your opinion on humanity in general will likely improve.

At times, when scrolling my newsfeed for the 500^th time of the day or scanning comments on articles, I’d grow anxious reading cruel, rude, or outright ignorant statements. Sure, occasionally, I’d come across something intelligent and profound but only after sifting through a bunch of trash posts. It took leaving the internet for me to realize how deeply it tainted my opinion of humanity. Being exposed to so much negativity impaired my ability to form connections with people in real life.

At the most connected I had ever been online, I felt isolated, as if I had been born far too early…and possibly on the wrong planet.

By existing more in the real world, you’ll also realize that the vile people on the internet are but a small, loud minority within the world at large. You’ll also learn that people are rarely who they appear to be online—and that’s a really good thing because a lot of them certainly don’t come off looking like their best selves.

Don’t expect for leaving to feel “worth it” for at least a month.

At first, leaving hurt. I missed people. I felt like I had walked out of a crowded party, and while the silence and space were both a reprieve, I was alone. Like…really alone.

Weirdly, the feeling mimicked the one I get when I leave my kids with a babysitter. Here I am, sitting down to this great dinner out and genuinely enjoying existing somewhere in a public space without having to perform the constant “scanning headcount” every mother of multiple children has perfected. I can breathe and there’s silence…and yet, I’m anxious and wondering what the hell is going on at home.

I spent weeks picking this feeling apart, asking myself why I felt tethered to something that annoyed me and made me absolutely miserable. If you’ve already left and you’re feeling the same: don’t look for a logical answer. You won’t find one. I never did.

One day, that feeling just went away. I wondered about my “friends” less and less, and my perspective began to change.

After nearly a year of being social-free, I know I’ve gained more than I’ve lost. I like sharing thoughts and experiences in person, instead of blasting them out to 500 faceless “friends.” I prefer phone calls to DMs. I’m happy to have lost the ability to embarrass myself with a smattering of impassioned words shared with the world during a moment of idiocy.

The decision to leave wasn’t an easy one. I left a lot of long-distance friends whom I valued tremendously behind, hoping our relationship could exist outside of the convenience of social media. Most of them couldn’t, and that’s okay. Some of your “friends” will drop off too. Not because they don’t value you, but because life in general can be consuming, especially if you’re spending so much of it staring at a screen.

I don’t miss social media at all. I regret the few years I spent on it and the mental energy I wasted. When I think of the sunk opportunity cost for every minute spent scrolling, I feel sick.

Where would you be, personally and professionally, if you redirected the time you spend on social media towards your real-life goals instead?

For me, leaving was obviously worth it, but it took about a month to realize that, and even longer to fully appreciate the benefits of being somewhat off-the-grid. I’d love to say I have all this free time now, but I don’t. (I’m off social media—not off being an anxious, Type-A mess of a human being.) I still feel it necessary to stay busy, but I fill that time with more fulfilling activities that contribute to my sense of wellbeing, rather than subtract from it. My hope for you—the few of you who needed to hear this and have managed to read this far—is that you will too.